holy crap i cant feel my arms yet. theyre still numb

from swim practice.

we did stretch courts today and coach cao was in bali, so damien coached us. and holy #$%^&*(

for once in my life i wish coach cao came back

we did 200 pulls for each stroke

and he frickin measured how far away we had to stand and pull those stupid things.

and i was sweating like i have never sweated before.

and so now i still cant feel my arms. they feel really weird and i cant control them.

they literally feel like jelly. 

my nap

i took a nap at around 4;30 til 5 

and i just remembered my dream, and it's been sorta bothering me -.-

i had some sorta rehearsal or concert. apparently with the SYO because i saw some SYO members there, and after rehearsal i dropped all my scores accidently, and i couldn't pick them up because i had my cello on my other hand. 

(i seriously have never had a dream about SYO or my cello so don't think i'm a music freak)

and then i kept trying to pick them up, but my hands wouldn't move and they wouldn't pick the stupid papers up! 

then 2 syo people appeared and i don't remember if they tried to help me or not, but i saw myself faint. so, i saw myself faint, but it wasn't ME who fainted, get it? ... no?

but then afterwards i 'woke up' in my room and this part i thought wasn't a dream. it was 9pm already and i was telling myself 'holy crap i slept for a frickin long time and nobody woke me up!' and i could hear my parents saying 'it's already 9pm! we have to eat!' 

and then i was putting my cello away when something happened - i dun remember.

but suddenly my cello was like.. it wasn't broken. it was sorta like, shrinking. haha sounds gay i know, but it was. and then i screamed for help, and i forget who was in the room with me but we tried to glue my cello back together cuz there were some missing parts too..

and i kept telling the person 'shouldn't i tell my mom first?' and i was thinking to myself 'the cello sound will be different if we keep glueing things together'

and i fell to the floor and started crying. weeping. bawling, i dont know if i should add a 'hahaha' to that because i really didn't find it funny (in the dream) and i was like, telling myself how much money my parents wasted - i'm wise and deep in my dreams too apparently.

and then i woke up. at 5;05pm (i checked the clock cuz the dream freaked me out)

so yeah.

the dream

really 

really 

bothered me.

practicee

I'm so tired from today's morning training.

my coach made us run for 30 minutes instead of the usual 15 and my legs are literally dead.

and she made us rotate our arms for an hour because we didnt get it right.

then i realized how not ready i am for my exam after my cello lesson, so i have to practice a whole lot. and to motivate me i bought a top from mango that was on sale :) well, i hope it motivates me. it's been killing me because everytime my parents are away or something while i'm practicing cello, i get on the computer and say that i've finished practicing when they come back. i have to stop and i keep telling that to myself everyday but it doesnt really work. 

so i've decided - tomorrow i'm going to start PRACTICING. real practice. like, 2-hours-straight-without-any-break practice. i'm not going to go downstairs and find food to pig out int he middle. i'm GOING TO FRICKIN PRACTICE.

it might not work actually, but it's worth a try..?

haha funny im typing all this crap while i'm listening to butterfly lovers (don't ask) when i should be doing my vocab. 

Hello

I feel different

Starting from Saturday morning when I came back from Italy

Actually, no i felt different since the day I went to Italy.

New friends

New place

New SNYO 

And almost a new accent! But no- just kidding

I feel different 

In a very good way

But I don't talk about it with SAS people. Haha it's gay i say this but they wouldn't really understand.

I'm CAROLYN

I live in Singapore

Would love to hang out with you - but i'm a busy person

i swim (a lot), i play the cello, im in the singapore national youth orchestra, i'm planning to major in art, i have a chinese tutor, and i eat (a lot).

i'm very athletic, i love sports

i love music

i'm pretty outgoing i guess

i can't help gossiping - but thats to everyone

my summer break currently sucks right now. after my breathtaking trip to italy with SNYO, my summer is practically over.

i'm smart - not because albert einstein's my dad. i dont know how many weeks there are in a year. i'm the kind of person who gets a paper and pencil and writes number down for however many seconds, minutes, hours, or days it takes to figure the answer out.

yeah - it means i'm a hard worker.

i get good grades

and i'm very competitive at school- i feel like i'm flunking if i get a B+, and with sports, art, and everything else that i do

which also takes me to - i'm pretty self conscious

i tell my friends not to care what everybody else thinks

but that's not always the case for me.

i like to think that i'm the different girl.

ya know, in movies, they have cheerleaders, geeks, emos, bullies, but there's this 1 girl that is different and gets prince charming (who's also different).

but everybody, including me, knows that i'm not.

i'm pretty much like every other girl (sorry to burst your bubble)

i dont drink, smoke, do illegal drugs. i'm still young

and i'm definitely scared for highschool this august.

i'm looking forward to a lot of things - studio art, chinese 3, snyo rehearsals, IASAS swim

but i'm not looking forward to a whole lot more things. too many to name.

not that anybody would read this blog but -

ciao :)

-carolyn